My Journey to Now
Today marks the end of a book of my life I once dreamed of having. For many years I gravitated toward fashion styling and truly set goals and intentions believing that was my life path. I set a goal that by the age of 25 I would stop styling assisting and begin full time styling on my own. As that age approaches next month and many life changes currently happening I cannot help but reflect on the journey and look forward to this new book of life I finally get to open and enjoy!
After four years of setting out to achieve a career in fashion I made it a reality. I became the stylist assistant to many incredible stylist and brands, worked on huge film and television productions, assisted on global multi-million dollar campaigns and even made my way to style for a huge globally know brand every month. During all this I began to see and struggle to wrap my mind around how much material and mental waste this all amounted to. I would be working with clothing and merchandise that was begin mass produced mainly in 3rd world countries; and see the overwhelming amount of food waste, single use tableware and bottles disposed of daily.
This struck a chord in me that just did not resonate, I began my research and educate myself more on the fashion industry. It opened my eyes to so many horrible facts and once I knew this it caused me tremendous grief and struggle daily. I felt how am I going to choose a career in an industry that 100% harms this earth that gives me life and the people how make it that much more amazing. At the same time I felt trapped. I live in New York and have bills and student loans that are beyond manageable with a none full time job.
With this tremendous about of mental struggle to find clarity of my next venture in life I turned to alternative and holistic healing. I found my way to practicing a plethora of things such as medicine reading ceremonies, vinyasa yoga, kundalini yoga, zen meditation, breath work, crystal meditations, and intention setting journaling. It helped me to finally get to a place of acceptance, I felt as if ok this where I am right now and I do not know what is next but that is ok. Although some days that fear and anxiousness would creep up and have me questioning what is next.
Right now I am in the "what is next" step and it is hard to wrap my mind around it. I felt I needed to leave fashion it was a urge that would not leave me. Even though I found ways to accept that it was ok to be in this path I still questioned it and knew it wasn't the best place for me. While in Costa Rica I focused on finding stillness and also finally committing to say I am ready to let go, I am ready to release my fear of what happens when I do leave this dream I once had behind. Not even one week from being back my life has changed completely.
After my first day back at work I was on the train thinking I really cannot do this anymore, fashion is not my path. I sat there on this idea and thought, ok its officially time to let go. A few moments passed I opened Instagram on my phone and see a post by one amazing seeress Mama Medicine, she is opening a space in Soho and looking for a full time studio manager. My heart started racing and I knew this was the opportunity. With much excitement and gratitude I am beyond thankful to have the opportunity to help Space by Mama Medicine grow. It warms my heart to be apart of an industry and company that is supporting and helping others and I am still struggling to wrap my mind around this reality. We all have a path we will take in life and with this opportunity I feel I have been guided and pushed to be on the path I have been needing and wanting out of this life.
As 25 approaches in a few short weeks my goals and intentions for this age and chapter in my life have completely shifted. My sense of rush and frustration for life is diminished, with an open heart and mind I am ready for what life has in store for me. I am ready to share with you all my journey along the way and help others find their clarity and stillness.